Pikku, under the blanket my great grandmother made over 50 years ago.

Today, the sound of thunder rumbled around us but no rain fell. The sky is dark and foreboding, as if it is gathering the steam necessary to find an outdoor birthday party with a beautiful cake, and then poop all over it with a sudden torrential down pour. Just for the joy of being the jerk to ruin someone’s special day.

Homesteading, is a delicious birthday cake. It is the most amazing privilege. To get to live closely with other varieties of living things, close to nature, and as in harmony with it as possible, is such a gift. To experience it all, is absolutely the most fulfilling thing I have ever known. There is peace here, and a beautiful greenesss from the nature all around. The wildflowers  add color and beauty, they become dear friends. Not a day goes by that I regret choosing this as my life. The great privilege of living with nature and with an independence that most people will never experience.

That said…. Like everything, homesteading has it’s difficulties. Some of them are colossal. In the last 10 years for example, I haven’t left this farm between planting and harvest. Not once. Since the greenhouse went in, I have not been able to leave at all during any point of the year aside from a few hours here and there.

A lot of bad stuff has happened in this region of the world lately, and it set in motion many things…. Most of them not so good. As a result, we find ourselves changing old choices and decisions. Things we always viewed as as sure as the sun rising in the east, can no longer be relied on. The result of this, is that I have to leave here for 5 days. I need to be responsible for myself, for the future, and for the long term welfare of this little farm. Due to the shifting sands, being responsible, requires a 5 day trip.

There are reasons I never travel. Three of those reasons require milking twice a day and the rest require at least feeding, and watering. Finding someone to care for and manage this place is really an impossibility. I have been trying now for weeks to find someone to cover for my 5 day trip. I have offered generous payment, offered them use of the pool and the farm products while I am gone…. Still can’t find anyone. Oh I thought I did twice now. But then for whatever reason, both individuals changed their mind and couldn’t do it. As frustrating as that is, I am just grateful they let me know before I left rather than after.

So, we have a necessary and scheduled trip…. It is looking like only Dr. Farmer Moomin, will get to go…. Which royally stinks since I set it all up. Did all the work, and really NEED to be there as the decisions being made are crucial for me and n0 one else to make. But, looks like I won’t be going. Due to inability to find someone who can milk 3 goats twice a day for 5 days. Ugggh…. This right here, is the down side of what I do. I am not sure anymore weather I am a farmer, or a prisoner.

So, I am at a loss desperate to find someone reliable and nowhere left to turn. It is all I can do not to brake down and sob after all the work I have done on this project and now, I won’t get to go. I won’t get to make a choice at least not a good one based on what I feel is the right thing…. What a drag. This is the other side of homesteading. The miserable part where you miss many important things. Where you can’t do stuff beyond your barn yard. You become a stranger to the people who matter to you the most. You become a hostage to the needs of every living thing you are responsible for. Moments like this are the hardest and most disappointing for me. Moments like this destroy me. Having no one to ever lean on so I can go off into the world to do what I need to do when the sands shift, to ensure a stable future for myself and this farm…. These are the moments that strike like a god damn wrecking ball. Today, I am getting smashed to pieces by this way of life that is so much larger than I am.


If you know someone who might be available the 11th of June through the 15th,
someone highly reliable, get in touch. I beg you.
Thank you for reading,
Prisoner of Wildflower Farm
Seriously, any minute now I am gonna get Stockholm Syndrome, I’ll probably end up falling in love with a goat for survival… If I haven’t already……